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singlehood as a blessing. not.

23 May

De doi ani incoace, gura nu-mi mai tace. De fapt tace destul de des.

Dar in seara asta, dupa ce am avut o revelatie – a patra saptamana asta (stiu, sunt geniala) – mi-am dat seama ca oamenii se despart  eu sunt singura din mai multe motive. Trecand peste cel dezbatut in postul anterior, si anume rotunjimile mele apetisante, lucrurile stau destul de nasol.

Cand esti single, beneficiezi de avantaje si dezavantaje. Pe termen scurt e ca un bilet la spa – lay back and watch out for the bubbles. Pe termen lung, insa, beware.

Sa incepem cu problemele minore, cum ar fi:

– nu ai niciodata cearta cu : tu duci gunoiul. tough luck, baby. il cari singura, ba il cari si pe ala facut de omul cu care iti asiguri reglajul biologic, recte al dumitale friend cu beneficiu. partea buna este ca daca nu ai chef sa duci gunoiul, nici nu te pune nimeni sa faci asta.

– daca ai de carat lucruri grele – cum ar fi faianta {thanks David. ideea de a merge cu trollerul la Bricostore a fost senzationala} sau un cuptor cu microunde {ia-ti un skateboard daca e pustiu pe your dating list} sau orice altceva, cam naspa, nu ai decat sa impingi la ele pana ti se apleaca.

– sper ca iti plac numerele impare pentru ca – guess what – every going out with your friends, you are the extra chair at the table. Sper ca ai un smartphone pe care sa joci solitaire cat este french kissing session la masa.

– you can’t plan shit unless you are some freaky lonesome traveller sau o dementa care isi ia vibratorul in concediile cu prietenii.

– lazy Sundays sunt indesate cu ciocolata si cu seriale fara scene romantice – The Mentalist, CSI, In Plain Sight, and any other crime series you can think of.

[de la acest punct incolo, cocoanele single care citesc blogul si-au aprins deja o tigara si dau nervos din picior]

– daca mergi la cinema cu prietenii vei primi mereu locul de la margine, ala de langa necunoscuti pentru ca e stupid sa te bagi intre cupluri

– daca esti invitat la nunta, vei ajunge sa faci cele mai regretabile promisiuni unui om pe care nu il suporti dar care arata bine, doar ca sa te duci cu cineva atarnat de brat sa nu para ca esti SI anul asta all alone in space and time.

– parintii tai vor crede, pe rand, ca esti: naspa, insuportabila, bolnava, lesbiana, naspa, proasta, irecuperabila si in ultima instanta iti vor aduce o pisica si te vor scoate din albumele de familie.

 

i will stop. promit sa fac cu alta ocazie o analiza amanuntita asupra beneficiilor si unghiilor in gat care vin cu a fi singur (no worries. i will still be single. cumva cred ca nu o sa apara un print pe cal alb la usa in urmatoarele luni. in special pentru ca nu ai voie sa intri cu un cal in complexul in care locuiesc, ofc)

anywaaaay.

revenind la revelatia mea de mai devreme. am facut un rezumat al tuturor motivelor pe care le-am primit de la barbati pe parcursul timpului si pot sa spun ca sunt cel putin amuzata. avem asa:

– you’re too much

– you’re too smart

– you’re too boring (i took a monstrous offence at this one. )

– you’re too short (gotta say, this is a good one. aveam toate complexele din lume mai putin pe asta. pana acum cateva luni)

– you’re not attractive

– you’re intimidating

– you’re awesome, but I can’t do this now

– you’re all a man could ask for, i’m just not ready for this

– you’re not what i expected you to be

– you’re fabulous and all, but… we started on the wrong premises.

– there is no drama with you, you make too much sense

am incercat sa conturez un pattern aici… si am ajuns la o singura concluzie: i am too awesome to have a relationship. Yes! I can live with that. Now back to my crime series.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on May 23, 2012 in Aiurea

 

Tags: , , ,

8 responses to “singlehood as a blessing. not.

  1. Sorin Mihai Oprea

    September 26, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Sau poate te-au refuzat intr-un mod politicos. Nu e usor sa gasesti perechea potrivita iar daca esti perfectionista … good luck with that!

     
    • gascaprinapa

      September 26, 2012 at 10:45 am

      nu cred ca sunt perfectionista.. but there are some basic requirments. you know, like a decent grammar and a dick. and i think i would like it if they did not have six fingers on one hand… then again, Chernobil was not their fault.

      still, thank you for being around here. feels good to find new readers.🙂

       
      • Sorin Mihai Oprea

        September 26, 2012 at 10:59 am

        Decent grammar … checked √
        Dick ♂ … checked √
        Six fingers … hmmm … Last time I counted there were 5 on each hand and while I’m not into fingering … new experiences are always welcome. ☼

        Imi place ca pui punctul pe I si ca spui verde-n fata ce te deranjeaza. Unii oameni te-ar eticheta drept o “fata cu coaie”, ceea ce e funny pentru ca alea se folosesc la reproducere, nu la tupeu/sinceritate.

        Cu siguranta voi mai vizita blogul tau ☺ , dar inca nu imi vand sufletul la casuta aia din dreapta sus de subscribe ☻

         
      • gascaprinapa

        September 26, 2012 at 11:18 am

        not into fingering? you just lost some stamina. but you still rank high in the ‘nice dude, i like him’ list

         
  2. Sorin Mihai Oprea

    September 26, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Well … I am a little into and by that I mean 2-3 fingers but 6 AND on one hand are too much for me ☺ … and fisting, and some other kinky stuff, but that’s very situational ☺

    After reading several posts here you’re not high, not pretty … but pretty high in my “Don’t know, but like her” list. And pretty high is hard to get in that list. ☺

     
    • gascaprinapa

      September 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm

      dude, you should write lines for romantic comedies. :)) the one you just posted was hilarious.
      mental note: if it rhymes, it’s not sexy. i’ll write that down for further notice.

       
      • Sorin Mihai Oprea

        September 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm

        Ehee … la cati oameni mi-au recomandat sa scriu o carte ar trebui sa am o intreaga colectie pana acum. Probabil o sa scriu o carte … daca apuc sa trec de 50 de ani, iar daca o scriu … sigur o voi lansa post-mortem … asta din cauza continutului. Si cartea mea sigur va fi interzisa … presimt asta inca de acum. ☺

        I’m not trying to be sexy, I’m trying to be who I am. If that’s a problem then let the suggestions flow.😉

         
      • gascaprinapa

        September 26, 2012 at 1:27 pm

        no problem, whatsoever, darling. none at all.

         

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